Kate and Will -- Watch this space!

It's true -- the soon-to-be royal couple is going to visit St Andrews this Friday to launch the 600th campaign and anniversary celebrations. William (or Will, as we call him) has agreed to be the patron of the 600th celebrations, and it's their only visit to Scotland before the April 29th wedding (which is a national holiday). As I understand it, the visit will be covered as all their movements are by lots of press and royal-watchers. However, I'm beginning to think that they need only send Kate -- frankly everyone seems to be more interested in her shoes than anything Will does.

I am not certain I'll even be able to see the couple during the visit. Only 300 staff members and several hundred students will be allowed to attend the one formal ceremony that's planned, where William and Kate will stand in St Salvator's Quad and unveil a plaque honoring the anniversary. Names are being chosen by lottery. Even if I can't attend, though, I'm hoping they process down North Street in front of the Development office so that I can at least catch a glimpse of Kate's shiny, shiny hair.

It would probably serve the University well if I wasn't chosen to attend, to be perfectly honest. First, I can't bow. Remember trying to get your Barbie doll to bend over or sit in a chair or get into her Ferrari? That's what I look like bowing. And it's just possible that I actually should curtsey, which would be even more ridiculous. Second, I have the uniquely American tendency to call everyone by their first names, and appeals to colleagues regarding what one calls a future Princess have yielded nothing but confusion. I already know I'm not supposed to call her Kate (that's only for close friends) but Catherine? Miss Middleton? Is it possible . . . your royal highness? My populist roots might cause me to choke. Or snicker. How disgraceful. Best to save that opportunity for a royal subject.

Anyway, massive roadworks have begun in St Andrews . We have begun intense office discussions about whether or not a royal visit necessitates a new outfit. Pubs have a fresh coat of paint, and locals been notified that downtown parking will be closed off from Thursday night (which honestly appalls the Brits in the office, who seem offended that they are not trusted not to assassinate public figures). As an American, I expect road closures, metal detectors, secret service snipers, bullet-proof glass, invasive background checks. But several of my colleagues who attended University and graduated with William (who was a lackluster scholar, as it turns out) insist that his commencement arrangements required attendees to bring proof of identity -- and that's about it. Either Brits are just less homicidal than my people or -- and this is more likely -- tight gun control makes a safer society. Maybe guns do in fact kill people.

I'll take photos of course but can only promise blurry shots of passing Rolls Royces. If I am selected to attend, I'll try to represent us Yanks as behooves a former colonist whose people, frankly, won. If you see me on the next episode of Locked Up Abroad, you'll know how I did.